The Moment of a Mother

My son recently went through Vagus Nerve Stimulator (VNS) surgery.  This surgery is an equipment implant to the Vegus nerve in order to help mediate seizures.  The surgery was successful, and weeks later my son is already showing some positive improvement.  However, every evening post  surgery proved to be one of, if not the hardest moment of my life.  I share this moment for us “tough” guys who believe they should not show emotion when faced with troubled times.  I share this moment to highlight the strength of a mother, my wife!


My son, my only son, Ezra post-surgery had two stitched up and sensitive areas on his body that my wife and I would have to tend to nightly. The surgical incisions consisted of left chest, just above the heart, and the other, left side of the neck. Every evening post sponge bath it was my job to hold my son down while my wife tended to his wounds.  My wife’s strength and commitment is truly beyond belief.  I witnessed her flip a switch and go from “mom mode” to “RN mode” and tended to my son with precise command.  So for the “tough” guys out there, realize it is ok to draw upon the strength of your significant other when you can’t step up. 

 My son being non-verbal could not communicate to my wife and I what he was feeling during this evening ritual.  However, you don’t need a language to understand what yelling, crying, and attempts to break free means to a child.  My son was no doubt in a bit of pain, confused, and most likely scared because we could not communicate to him why this was important.  However, all I could think about was how Ezra and I used play together. 

My daily play with Ezra was to hold him down and tickle his neck until he was cracking up.  This was our thing, this was our bound.  Only I could make my son laugh by doing this.  Not mom, not his sister, not anyone else.  What used to be our fun game had now turned into a position or fear and confusion for my son.  In other words, this very moment broke me.  We had lost our special moment together, our dad and son time.  I had to hold my son down in a jujitsu like position so he would not mess with his stiches: My Right arm over his waist, holding his legs and right arm down; my left forearm holding his arm down while using my hand to elevate neck in order for my wife to gain access to neck stitches; finally (and this was the worst part for me) place my forehead on top of his forehead so he would not shift his head during neck stich cleaning.  This routine was short, but seemed to last forever for me.

Its funny how we all react differently to situations of stress.  I’ve been through three deployments, I’ve lost brothers in Iraq and Afghanistan, I’ve re-deployed with buddies without legs, but none of that rocked me like having to hold my son down while cleaning his wounds.  I can’t describe exactly what exactly why, I just know, and my wife knew that after the event I was a shell of a man.  If not for the strength of my wife I would not have been able to do this every evening.      

 Again, I share this story not for pity, but for the “tough” guys out there who feel emotion is reserved for weak people.  I can tell you straight up, I didn’t feel like less of a man, I simply felt for my son and knew I had to grow stronger for him but could not.  I look up to my wife, but especially in this moment she was there for all of us.   

 Above all this I want to put this into even more perspective … our four year old daughter stood by every evening calming Ezra while he cried out in fear.  I can’t even imagine what was going through her young mind watching her brother destressed.  I speak a lot on the courage of my son, but must always acknowledge the strength of my daughter who goes through these events on a daily basis and she only knows it as a norm.

Lastly I want to wish my wife a late happy Monther’s Day!  My wife shows the strength of a warrior every day for our son. I am lucky, no blessed, to call her the mother of my children.  For all us "tough" guys out there lean on your significant other when you must then get back up and grow stronger.